Keep up with the Latest Secrets:Thousands of people who have struggled in the past have experienced victories that began with a secret confessed. For those of us sharing a similar burden, their stories offer hope.
Warning: Some of the stories below should be considered content appropriate for adults only and should not be viewed by those under 18 years of age.
My life has been about one disappointment and betrayal after another. I spoke what I view as a curse in my life now, but was my motto for so long: “No matter what happens I will make something of myself and depend on no one!” You may be saying ‘why is that an issue?’ Well, I became a co-dependent, always taking care of everything, and if I did not succeed I was devastated. At the age of 14, I was on my own because my mother married someone who liked me and my father was an alcoholic who stole from me and everyone around to support a habit. I lived from house to house during high school and finally graduated. Shortly after that I got married to the love of my life. I thought for 10 years and 2 kids later that I had the perfect life, climbing the corporate ladder. One day I get a surprise call that my husband had been put into jail on his lunch break during a drug bust and that our vehicle was impounded. Wow, I was living such a lie! I had no idea he had a drug problem. I felt like everyone was looking at me and saying "How could you not know?". He went through a short outpatient treatment. While he was in treatment I dedicated my life to God. The more involved in church I could become the better. Not only was I a district manager and mother of 2, but I was involved in every position at a small church. My husband started working on a degree in counseling to put his issues to work and was working at night part time. We began to not even know each other. Our small church dissolved. Then, after spending a long Labor Day weekend together he had to go to work and again I received a phone call. This time he was in jail for rape (Yes, RAPE!) and drugs. I was floored and could not believe it. Once again he had fooled me. He had an affair with a 14 year old he worked with. For a long time nothing existed in my world but God and me. I got to know Him and heard his voice. He was my only comfort. My husband spent 90 long days in prison, where he spent all of his time also building a relationship with God. With nothing to hide now, he came clean. Some how God allowed me to forgive my husband and learn to not enable him of his now confessed issues with sexual addition. Drugs were a cover up. We have restored our marriage. I have learned to see myself through God’s eyes and have found a group of real people that have walked my husband and me through recovery. This is a lifestyle for us now. We have many challenges coming our way. He is going to be sentenced within the next month and our close, open family will be separated. I know this is not punishment but what God is preparing for us to carry our message and help others in this very ugly world. I have peace and have found a wonderful husband behind the walls of addiction. In what seems to be the worst possible situation, if you trust God there will be a reward. God never lets one hurt go unused. I am learning to truly let GO and LET GOD. I’m learning to not always have to be in control and love it. And I’m finally learning to allow God to call the shots.
I have a bad spending habit, I buy just to buy, not because I need it, but maybe just because it is on sale. My husband and I worked very hard to pay off all of our credit cards and even cut them up as we paid them off. Then I secretly took out more credit cards and before I knew it I was $5000.00 in the debt again. All while my husband rejoiced and told others how we had paid off our cards and were living a debt free life. I lived in fear that if he ever found out our marriage would be over and I did not want to face his horrible anger. I let Satan lead me to believe that our marriage was so shallow that this would destroy it and that my husband would kill me. Instead when the conviction was so great that I told my husband, he asked how much I had charged and only said that he was not happy, but there are worse things in life than that. He never raised his voice or treated me any different; we are now paying off the cards together. My marriage and my faith in my husband grew by leaps and bounds that day because I trusted God and confessed to my husband and I have since not felt as though I have to hide secrets from him.
I am only sharing this information to hopefully bring peace to those who have been through what I have gone through. Understanding the pain, disgrace and shame please know that you don't have to live your life with that anymore. Almost every man in my life happened to be a sexual predator and I always ended up being their victim. Men that I thought I could trust always sent my world crashing down on me. Overtime, I grew to hate them, which slowly led to me hating all men, and that grew to hating everyone including my life. I was so bitter and angry inside and it consumed everything that I was and had. I had been to counseling only to be led to an unhealthy independence. I had attempted suicide several times – I just couldn't contain what I felt anymore. Then God's truth came to me. "Do you want to be happy?" Of course that's what everyone wants in life, and I did too. "You can't hold on to your right of anger and still be happy". That's when I realized I had to forgive them. ALL OF THEM! I had every right to feel angry because of what they did and how they ruined my life…but I knew that I couldn't hold on to it and be happy either. I was tired of feeling alone, depressed and miserable. Although I didn't feel like forgiving them at the time, I simply prayed that God would help me to forgive them. It's something that I have to do almost everyday, as Satan likes to throw it back in your face. But I am truly in a better place in my life now than I EVER have been. Just because I forgave them doesn't mean I am excusing what they did. It means I am telling God, “it's in your hands and I am no longer going to try to handle it and seek my own revenge”. There's a peace that consumes you when you let Him have control and you give up the sickness that's eating at you inside.
I was only 13 when I made the decision to be sexually involved with my best friend. The real big problem with this was we're both females. I was obsessed with her body, never her love or her feelings. Then she left me for someone else and it crushed me. I resented God and I wanted to die. But, I begged God for forgiveness and redemption. And God told me that the only way to over come this sin was to tell my mother. I was afraid but, I worked up the courage to tell her. She accepted me and told me that she still loved me, no matter what my life style choices where. That next month after I came clean, I became a Christ follower and I never turned back. Christ loves us for all our mistakes and never abandons us. It just takes some reassurance sometimes. And it can be found at LifeChurch.tv. You are always loved by God. Nothing will ever change that.
I have struggled with online porn for many, many years, in fact 3/4 of our marriage. Early on in our marriage, I had an affair. My wonderful wife forgave me, but I did not forgive myself. So with all of that guilt, I convinced myself more and more that it was fine. I was so miserable and killing myself internally. And from that time on, it was all downhill. I was viewing online porn at work, and at home, it was all I thought about. I was married, but I was not truly happy. I had viewed so many images and chatted with so many other women that I lost track of reality. The online community convinces me that she was not normal and I was right. My wife would question me and I lied and said I did not know how those things got onto the computer. I would go and put out personal ads trying to hook up with women. I chatted with a few on the phone but, thankfully, I never met anyone face to face. When I went out into the public, I would find myself starring at women; try to see up the skirts or down the blouse. The years went on and lies got deeper. The thing about me is that I am not a very good liar and am easily caught. So I was always getting into problems. But, this did not stop me. In fact, I convinced myself that I was doing right and it was ok. One day I went into a chat board and started to chat with this girl. Days and weeks went by. She emailed me nude pictures of her and I did the same. The weeks went by, then months. Everyone on the board thought we should be together. So one day, we talked over the phone and even had phone sex. She was unhappy and I was too. We started to talk about meeting, but the problem was she was 1000 miles from me. I woke up one day and planned a mini vacation without my wife. I was actually planning on leaving 9 yrs of marriage and 2 wonderful children. During this time, my wife knew that something was wrong with me and she said she was going to divorce me. WOW. Then one day it HIT ME. Wait…GOD hit me. I fell to my knees and cried. The guilt, shame, lies, everything came out. I told my wife what was going on. I came CLEAN. I mean clean. From that day on, our life, our marriage everything has gotten better. God set me free. Free from this darkness. Free from the shame. Free from the filth. I became a brand new man that night. We both cried. It was amazing. The weight of the last several years was gone. The sad thing about this is that the damage has been done. I now have years and years of porn images burned into my brain. The conversations come back. This is the thing I HATE. These images will come back from time to time. God has a wonderful tool he has given everyone. It is the tool to ask him to remove the images, thoughts from memory. All you have to do is truly repent. You have to fall to your knees and cry out from him to forgive you. Then you have to believe that God has and will forgive you. Then you just ask him to remove the images or thoughts and BAM, they are gone. This works for me. It works for my wife. Today, roughly 2 yrs after I came clean, the world constantly hits me with the temptation and daily it grows me closer to God because I am always asking him to help me. It is truly amazing to feel the holy sprint come into your body and know the temptation is gone. This is not a secret for my family, but a letter of hope for others who are going through this. There is Hope; GOD can free you from this darkness. He is there, right next you, right now. Just ask, he will answer.
It seems like I've struggled with this sin forever. Since I was a young man, I struggled with lust, pornography and masturbation. When I was younger, I thought there was no problem. Pretty soon, it became like a drug. I would use it primarily when I was feeling lonely or sorry for myself to relieve my pain. I didn't realize it would become something that I couldn't shake. When I married my wife, I thought it would go away. And at times, it did. I might go a week or two without, but eventually, I ended up back in that place again. At times, I would fantasize about other women, or use porn. I realized that this thing was a sin. I was lusting after other women, and I couldn't shake it. I cried out to God. I begged for forgiveness over and over again, and yet I found my self right back in the same place. I knew I shouldn't do it. I knew I shouldn't go there, and yet I did anyway. I couldn’t stop myself. I ended up being caught by my wife. She was really understanding and forgiving, but I really don't think she could fully grasp the control this thing had over me. We talked about it many times, especially after coming back from Men’s retreats or Promise Keepers meetings that dealt with these issues. She was always accepting of me where I was. However, I still don't think she completely understood or could grasp my problem. One day, someone I knew fell. I didn't know him personally, but I knew who he was. Outwardly, he seemed like a man of God (just like I appeared, outwardly). He was arrested for involvement with pornography. For me, and several of the guys in my prayer group at the time, that hit home and scared us. It was time to stop putting on, and time to start being honest with each other. One of the other guys in my group confessed to his own struggle with masturbation and porn. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I opened up and confessed as well. THAT was the beginning. This sin no longer had the hold over me that it had before. It was out in the open. I was out in the open. From there, it has been a process of healing. Occasionally, I still slipped up. Now I had brothers to help me get back up when I fell. I also wasn't afraid to say, I am struggling, or I had lost my self control. Pretty soon, I stopped completely. I feel like an alcoholic when I say, I haven't done it for years now, but I know at any moment, it is something that I could still slip into. However, since then, God has shown me what was the root cause for this sin and when I am in a place of feeling pain and loneliness, I know that it is coming. I know that temptation is there and it is time to resist. I thank God that he, even today is continuing to heal me of this life long sin. I still struggle with maintaining control over my eyes, and my mind. But each day God is moving me to a new appreciation of the people around me and helping me to see them as God's. When I have that focus, seeing people through God's eyes, that lust isn't there. It is just completely gone. When I have my own self focus, then it is still a temptation. God, help me to have your focus every day. Thank you for letting me share this. If this encourages someone in some way, I thank God.
My husband and I had been married for 3 years when he confessed his long-term addiction to pornography. This was the most painful and humbling thing I have ever had to face. I felt blind, stupid, and gullible. I had always given myself freely to him. I never withheld sex and even pursued him creatively, way past my comfort zone. By the grace of God, I was able to respond with mercy and love. The amazing thing is that it brought a deeper intimacy to our marriage then we ever had before. My husband was sure this would drive me away; he was so surprised that I loved and accepted him despite his sin, especially because I have always been such a black/white person and I had also openly expressed my passion for purity and condemnation of perversion. My husband took steps to stand against the temptations. He turned off the internet at work, added a filter at home through www.truevine.net and gave me his word that he would not get on the internet when I was out of the house. I pray for him regularly. I have to say there were some really difficult days, days that I could do nothing but cry and take refuge in the Lord. This also drew me closer to Christ because I learned with certainty that He is truly the only Rock in my life. Honesty is one of my top three values and to learn that I had been deceived for over three years hurt me deeply, and I still struggle with trusting him sometimes. Before this secret came out I never really respected my husband from my heart. I think I somehow knew that he was not really who he appeared to be. Now, three years after the truth came out, I can sincerely say that I love and respect him more than I ever have before. Even though I know he still struggles with lusting after other women, I know his aim is to live blameless and pure before God. My deep desire is that he would always be open with me and never hide anything from me again because I have truly seen that those who confess and renounce their sins will find mercy! I want to encourage those who are addicted to pornography to confess to their spouse; especially if you are married to someone who loves the Lord...He will carry them through. Pray for the Lord to prepare their heart and be prepared for an emotional reaction. If you are sincere about wanting to be free and protect your marriage then take steps to give your wife security and earn back her trust. If you are serious about wanting to be free...do not continue to hide!
I was a missionary kid. I grew up my whole life knowing right from wrong. Of all the people in the world, you would think that a missionary kid would be "perfect". And quite frankly, after years of hearing how "great" I was I started to believe it too. After sleeping with my boy friend and a friend (on separate occasions) you would think that I would have realized that PEOPLE can't live perfectly. NOT EVER! Not without God. But, when I got married to my husband and we started really going through some tough times (about 2 years into our marriage) I cheated on him. Not with just one man but technically 3. It has taken me some time to admit fully that it was three because my heart had become so callous that I wasn't counting the 2 guys that I had oral sex with. REALLY?! Does that make it better?! NO! But, that's what sin is like. Sin is believing the lie that 'God only tells us certain things are wrong because he is a control freak'! I have come to learn that God asks us to keep away from certain things BECAUSE HE LOVES US. (Similar to how parents tell their kids to look both ways before crossing the street.) But, I lied about cheating to my husband to his face for about a month. I lied so much that he was beginning to believe me. But, he also had been praying for me very regularly with a friend. When I first told him he was angry and shocked. He went to his best friend’s house angry and ready for a divorce, but he prayed with his friend for over an hour. When he came back he was ready for reconciliation. I was still angry over our problems and with a heart full of sin I told him that I wasn't ready to give up my "boy friend". My husband kept praying and praying. Strangely, I never slept with that guy again. (Not by my choice but, God's grace) Finally after at least two months, God really started getting a hold of me and I REALLY started feeling guilty. I hated myself. I wanted to die. I told myself that my daughter would be better without a mother than a mother like me. I was in tremendous pain (giving birth did not hurt that bad)! I really, really hated myself. I thought, I have a great man, no matter the troubles we get into, he wants to fix them, a great daughter, great parents, a great sister, great nieces…all these wonderful people that had made my life perfect. A gift from God. And I throw it all away just for some "greener grass". Yeah, that grass only LOOKS greener! You get over there and you enjoy the greenery for a while. Then you realize the grass really isn’t greener. And then you run for your life! It took me a really LONG time to forgive myself! There are still times when an evil guy taps me on the shoulder and says "Hey, remember when you did..." And I get down on myself some more. But, GOD always reminds me "I AM BIGGER THAN ANYTHING YOU COULD EVER DO. IF YOU ARE GOING TO SIT THERE AND SAY I CAN'T FORGIVE YOU FOR _________ YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOU ARE A BIGGER SINNER THAN I AM GOD. HOW CAN YOU!? YOU THINK I'M THAT SMALL!" And I have to confess my arrogance and pride and ask forgiveness for not believing HIM when he says that "When you confess your sins I am faithful and just and will forgive you of your sins and cleans you from ALL unrighteousness". GOD forgives me. My husband forgives me. And almost always I forgive me. Two years ago, I finally decided to give God all that I have. I quit my job because it was causing temptations, I purposed in my heart to do all in my power to make our marriage right, and prayed with all of my heart that God would heal us. The Lord solidified his love and forgiveness by conceiving (through us as a family) a son (while I was on birth control). We named him Jonathan. I felt so strongly that I needed to name him that. I found out, after having him become our little joy and a very important part of our lives, that his name means "Gift from God". Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Even the stupid things we do.) God has healed our marriage and we are honored because we are being called to plant a church. WHAT!? Wait! A pastor’s wife!?
"I can't see because of Sarah's big fat head" was my very first insult that really hurt. I was in the third grade. Although this doesn't seem like it would be too hurtful to most children I took it very personally. As a result of my parent's low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence I grew to learn the same behavior. From there anything hurtful that was said to me I believed. Beginning in the seventh grade due to fear of feeling too fat and fearing that others would find out that my family qualified for the "free lunches" I decided to skip lunch. That grew to skipping breakfast and lunch. It was at this time that I began an eating disorder but refused to believe that I had one because I wasn't starving myself completely and I wasn't throwing up after meals. After years of struggling with approval addiction, an eating disorder, and feeling like I failed at everything, I believed the lie that I was a failure and was never going to amount to anything. I hated myself. However, God brought a man into my life who is now my husband. As I confessed to him my sin of selfishness and hate, God used him to help me see who I am in Christ. Satan knows this is my weakness and after almost nine years of being with my husband I still struggle with my self-confidence, my appearance, and my self-esteem. Due to a disease in my hip I have gotten to the point that I can no longer do any type of cardio workout and as a result I have put on a few pounds. Satan has used the pain in my hip and the changing of the way my body looks to throw me into depression at times. But because I know who I am in Christ every time I feel depression coming on I am suited and ready for the spiritual battle that had overtaken me in my past. Although, Satan still tries to attack me with this I now feel ready for the fight and I feel so free. For the first time in my life I am confident in myself because of who I am in Christ. My daily prayer is that God helps me to see myself the way he see me.
For years my family didn't have the financial means to make from month to month, so I ended stealing things to get by. It started very small, but ended up to be a huge ordeal that cost me 5 years in prison. My family started giving ten percent to church every month and mysteriously there are no shortages. I can't add up where the money is coming from, but it is always where I need it. Praise God!
